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[eldave1]

This is what I mean by not passing the gut check and how final tables on on-line are filled with trash players (unlike live) and how that does not make sense. As a note, this is not a bitter post – just illustrative (I am actually quite happy having won a $10,000 live tourney last night).

Here is the anatomy of the typical FY ass rape. So – I am at the final table of a $3 satellite for $260 seat. I have 29K in chips, the next highest only has 11K. So – I say to my self – I’ll wait till I got a real good one. I basically don’t play a hand for the first 20 minutes.

Ass Rape One

Full Tilt Poker Game #11316121432: Satellite to $750K Guarantee (85030347), Table 2 - 300/600 Ante 75 - No Limit Hold'em - 20:43:27 ET - 2009/03/24
Seat 2: seedy58 (6,390)
Seat 3: eldave1 (26,145)
Seat 4: yancancris (9,450)
Seat 5: badbikerbob (8,120)
Seat 6: Anton_AY (9,590)
Seat 7: hammerinhank87 (3,450)
Seat 8: toplayr (12,880)
Seat 9: scheeraa (3,975)
seedy58 antes 75
eldave1 antes 75
yancancris antes 75
badbikerbob antes 75
Anton_AY antes 75
hammerinhank87 antes 75
toplayr antes 75
scheeraa antes 75
hammerinhank87 posts the small blind of 300
toplayr posts the big blind of 600
The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to eldave1 [Jh Qh]
scheeraa folds
seedy58 raises to 1,200
eldave1 calls 1,200
yancancris folds
badbikerbob folds
Anton_AY folds
hammerinhank87 folds
toplayr folds
*** FLOP *** [Qc Th 7h]
seedy58 has 15 seconds left to act
seedy58 bets 5,115, and is all in
eldave1 calls 5,115
seedy58 shows [Jd Js]
eldave1 shows [Jh Qh]
*** TURN *** [Qc Th 7h] [8c]
*** RIVER *** [Qc Th 7h 8c] [Jc]
seedy58 shows three of a kind, Jacks
eldave1 shows two pair, Queens and Jacks
seedy58 wins the pot (14,130) with three of a kind, Jacks
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 14,130 | Rake 0
Board: [Qc Th 7h 8c Jc]
Seat 2: seedy58 showed [Jd Js] and won (14,130) with three of a kind, Jacks
Seat 3: eldave1 showed [Jh Qh] and lost with two pair, Queens and Jacks
Seat 4: yancancris folded before the Flop
Seat 5: badbikerbob folded before the Flop
Seat 6: Anton_AY (button) folded before the Flop
Seat 7: hammerinhank87 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 8: toplayr (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 9: scheeraa folded before the Flop
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So – Seedy (a –45% ROI player) min raises with JJ – if she had raised anywhere in the 3 to 4 times the blind area or more (i.e., she shoved pre-flop) I fold. Not even in the hand. I can the min raise and get a monster flop. Seedy snap shoves all in – I call with top pair (queens) and flush draw. At this point in the hand I am a 93.9% favorite to win. I think to myself what a horrible play by Seedy – if she was going to shove – why not preflop instead of w hen there was an over card and a flush draw on the board – oh well.

Turn is 8 of clubs. No we both pick up gut shots but if the 9 hits I win because I have the Queen. Seedy is down to one card – the Jack of clubs.

River – Jack of Clubs!!!! I lose almost half of my once dominating stack.
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Ass Rape Two

Full Tilt Poker Game #11316167904: Satellite to $750K Guarantee (85030347), Table 2 - 400/800 Ante 100 - No Limit Hold'em - 20:46:05 ET - 2009/03/24
Seat 2: seedy58 (13,380)
Seat 3: eldave1 (19,605)
Seat 4: yancancris (9,225)
Seat 5: badbikerbob (7,895)
Seat 6: Anton_AY (8,165)
Seat 7: hammerinhank87 (2,925)
Seat 8: toplayr (11,755)
Seat 9: scheeraa (7,050)
seedy58 antes 100
eldave1 antes 100
yancancris antes 100
badbikerbob antes 100
Anton_AY antes 100
hammerinhank87 antes 100
toplayr antes 100
scheeraa antes 100
seedy58 posts the small blind of 400
eldave1 posts the big blind of 800
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to eldave1 [Tc Ts]
yancancris folds
badbikerbob folds
Anton_AY folds
hammerinhank87 folds
toplayr folds
scheeraa folds
seedy58 calls 400
eldave1 raises to 3,200
seedy58 calls 2,400
*** FLOP *** [6s 4d Ks]
seedy58 bets 10,080, and is all in
eldave1 has 15 seconds left to act
eldave1 has requested TIME
eldave1 folds
Uncalled bet of 10,080 returned to seedy58
seedy58 mucks
seedy58 wins the pot (7,200)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 7,200 | Rake 0
Board: [6s 4d Ks]
Seat 2: seedy58 (small blind) collected (7,200), mucked
Seat 3: eldave1 (big blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 4: yancancris folded before the Flop
Seat 5: badbikerbob folded before the Flop
Seat 6: Anton_AY folded before the Flop
Seat 7: hammerinhank87 folded before the Flop
Seat 8: toplayr folded before the Flop
Seat 9: scheeraa (button) folded before the Flop
So – I start with pocket tens in the BB – Seedy (my good friend from earlier limps in on the small blind). I raise 8 times the BB. Seedy of course calls. The flop has one over – the K of spades. Seedy once again snaps shoves all in. I am convinced now that the FT server has decided that I will not be Seedy regardless – even though I think I have her beat – I fold and decide to just avoid her entirely the rest of the way. This is where FT foks with your mind so much (see prior hand) you stop playing normal.
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Ass Rape Three = prologue – this guy “badbikerbob” out of nowhere goes on an ungodly suck-out run – knocks out 5 players. I looked him up – he has a negative 100% ROI – he has played a few tourneys and has never cashed. It’s just heads up now between me an him. The negative ROI of 100% worries me – FT certainly wants to keep him around (at least until he cashes any real money). We go back and forth until this gem.

Full Tilt Poker Game #11316643765: Satellite to $750K Guarantee (85030347), Table 2 - 1200/2400 Ante 300 - No Limit Hold'em - 21:13:07 ET - 2009/03/24
Seat 3: eldave1 (34,200)
Seat 5: badbikerbob (45,800)
eldave1 antes 300
badbikerbob antes 300
badbikerbob posts the small blind of 1,200
eldave1 posts the big blind of 2,400
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to eldave1 [Td Ts]
badbikerbob calls 1,200
eldave1 raises to 7,800
badbikerbob calls 5,400
*** FLOP *** [5h 3s 7d]
eldave1 bets 26,100, and is all in
badbikerbob calls 26,100
eldave1 shows [Td Ts]
badbikerbob shows [Ad 3d]
*** TURN *** [5h 3s 7d] [3c]
*** RIVER *** [5h 3s 7d 3c] [4h]
eldave1 shows two pair, Tens and Threes
badbikerbob shows three of a kind, Threes
badbikerbob wins the pot (68,400) with three of a kind, Threes
eldave1 stands up
badbikerbob stands up
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 68,400 | Rake 0
Board: [5h 3s 7d 3c 4h]
Seat 3: eldave1 (big blind) showed [Td Ts] and lost with two pair, Tens and Threes
Seat 5: badbikerbob (small blind) showed [Ad 3d] and won (68,400) with three of a kind, Threes
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So – I raise the pot to badbiker after he limps in. I know I am suppose to shove with 10-10 heads up - but I also know from my FT life that this guy would call me with Ace - Joker. He calls my bet. Perfect flop for tens ( 5 – 3- 7 rainbow)! Okay – shove now and get it over with. I shove – Snap call from biker – he has A 3 suited diamonds but only one diamond on the board. He hit the three, had no draw and thought that it was worth calling for all of his chips an a board with two overs into a guy who had raised pre-flop (donkey). Okay – I’m a 74% favorite to win this one. I read it exactly right – he would have called with his A rag preflop because he was suited and no ace on the flop – only one diamond – yeah>

Turn 3 – he hits a set. Game over – I win $9 dollars and badbiker wins $260.

Good thing I have a live tourney tomorrow.